Neurodivergence v Self Esteem

Question:

Is neurodivergence our biggest problem or is it low self esteem?

Many people who are neurodivergent ask this question, and the answer is it’s usually not neurodivergence itself that causes the biggest problems — it’s the chronic stress, invalidation, and low self-esteem that often come from living in environments not built for neurodivergent brains.

Here’s a clearer way to think about it:

Neurodivergence isn’t inherently “the problem”

ADHD, Autism, dyslexia, dyspraxia, etc. come with differences in perception, processing, motivation, and communication.These differences can create challenges in certain environments, yet they also come with strengths.

Just having a different brain doesn’t automatically lead to suffering.

What does cause suffering:

1. Chronic low self-esteem

Growing up being told (directly or indirectly) that you’re:

• “too much”

• “not enough”

• lazy, messy, slow, weird, dramatic, unmotivated

• “not living up to your potential”

…can create self-doubt and shame.

2. Masking and feeling like you have to “fit in”

Constantly pretending to be neurotypical or "normal" can be exhausting and tends to

  lead to burnout, anxiety, and or depression.

3. Reality v expectations

Work, study, and social norms are generally designed for neurotypical processing

styles. So neurodivergent people:

• struggle with systems not designed for them

• may be punished for differences rather than supported

• often internalise the idea that they are “failing”

This mismatch — not the neurodivergence — can create distress.

4. Lack of understanding or validation

Not having people around who “get” you may cause loneliness and confusion

about who you are which can be damaging to your self-worth.

So what is the “real problem”?

For most people, the effects of stigma and misunderstanding are far more damaging than neurodivergence itself.

An applicable analogy is - A fish isn’t “failing” because it can’t climb a tree —

the problem is expecting it to act like a possum.

If you want help overcoming low self esteem or the challenges that that led you to finding life a struggle, contact us either by email - info@acingadhd.com or by DM here or on our website www.acingadhd.com